What's forever for?

Doesn’t anybody ever stay together anymore? That’s a question from one of my favorite songs growing up, but today it seems more pertinent than ever before.

It’s heartbreaking to see so many of us give up on love for really stupid and conceited reasons. We often think of infidelity as involving another man or woman, but the truth is, we are guilty of infidelity when we let anything - whether it's our egos, pride, hobbies, entertainment, social life, friends or work - hijack our hearts from the ones we love, and place our relationships in neat little compartments which we only take out when it pleases us.

In this narcissistic world of what I want, what I prefer, who I want to be with; fidelity is often a tragic victim of selfishness disguised as “being true to myself”…without realizing that we’re often untrue to the one who loves us.

I wonder how many of us actually place our partners as priorities in our lives, and how many of us who enjoy that precious place in the hearts of our partners actually treasure that privilege. It’s sad, but all too often we let our relationships die right before our eyes because we turn our sights away from what’s true and noble, and fix our glances only upon the seduction of self-interests.

Don’t couples know that the opportunities for reconciliation, for healing grace and love are blessings that do not grow on trees, but are graciously given from heaven – not because we deserve it but because we need it. And as the gospel so often reminds us, we must not hesitate with graces, we must not be slow to respond to the kindness God shows us. When the opportunity for reconciliation and peace expresses itself, we must not let pride rob us of that saving grace - for there may not be another one like it.

We need to pray for hearts today; hearts that have forgotten how to love responsibly, to love with hope and forgiveness, to persevere in charity and truth, to be contrite in humility, to trust with generosity, and to always choose fidelity – not just to our partners, but to the virtues of love itself!

For in the end, falling in love is easy…choosing to love is heroic and ultimately the only true face of love. And that is the love we must always pine and work for, even if our partners don't deserve it. Or should I say - especially when they don't deserve it, so that with God's help love may conquer all, and bring healing both to ourselves and to our relationships.

Billy Gilman - What's Forever For Lyrics

I've been looking at people

And how they change with the times

And lately all I've been seeing are people

Throwing love away and losing their minds


Or maybe it's me that's gone crazy'

Cause I can't understand why

All these people keep hurting each other

When good love is so hard to come by


So what's the glory in living

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me what's forever for


I've been listening to people

And they say love is the key

And it's not my way to let them lead me astray

It's only that I want to believe


But I see love-hungry people

Trying their best to survive

While right there in their hands is a dying romance

And they're not even trying to keep it alive


So what's the glory in living

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me what's forever for


And if love never lasts forever

Tell me what's forever for

The Gospel according to E.T.

Is there life out there amongst the billions of galaxies teeming with possibilities?

Ever since the first scientists suggested that we might have crawled out of the primordial slime and wriggled our way into humanity, countless evolutionary theories have speculated that if this was true of life on earth, there is no reason to think that intelligent life cannot be replicated elsewhere in far away galaxies with life support systems that mirror our own. And if that were true, how do we reconcile our Christian faith with colonies of E.T. trampling through Elliot’s garden eating M&Ms?

Doesn’t our faith in Christ as sole mediator and savior of mankind exclude this possibility? Are we not the sole beneficiary of God’s saving love and fatherhood? Or do we have distant cousins and spiritual siblings we know nothing about?

The Magisterial Church has never made any pronouncements about this for good reason. First off, it’s just curious speculation no matter how many alien abductions, UFOs and unpleasant bodily probings some people claim to have encountered on “Ripley’s Believe It or Not”.

Secondly, although it makes for interesting debate, it is not crucial to the life of Christians to wrangle about the souls of possible extra-terrestrials when we have far more urgent and practical commitments to our own proven salvation history. For all our faith in the supernatural life, Christians are practical and realists when it comes to living the truth.

Having said that, some theologians have suggested various ways of looking at this question if the basis of alien life was true. Perhaps like in a parallel universe, they would have their own “Jesus” and their own salvation history. Or perhaps like the history of the Jewish nation, salvation would first be offered to the human race and then extended to the “gentile” nations of the stars in time to come, spurred on by the evangelizing efforts of astronaut priests and missionaries. Others insist that the possibility of other intelligent life forms does not omit the need for a creator of the universe, nor in redeeming humanity did Christ not also redeem the entire order of creation as St. Paul says.

The truth is...I don’t know. But here’s what I think.

Love is a funny thing; you can’t scrutinize it under a microscope or swirl it in a test-tube, although some people seem to think otherwise when it comes to making babies. And it was supernatural love - personal, pure and eternal - that created and redeemed us.

God did not clinically make Adam and Eve out of a cold laboratory, he gave birth to us as it were from his own supernatural life; as a woman gives birth to her child through the life of her own human nature – begun and sustained with conjugal and maternal love. In saying this I do not mean that the theory of evolution is debunked, but rather that the natural process of creation does not rob God of his supernatural intent or motivation – which is to give himself to us as our fulfillment and joy. Through the redemption of Christ we are further born into a new life of supernatural grace, which bonds us even closer to God in the intimacy of father and child.

What does this mean?

There’s a phrase from St. Josemaria Escriva that I dearly love: divine filiation - the idea that we are not merely adopted, but that we are truly sons and daughters of God by dignity and redemption through the love and mercy of Christ. This truth above all other truths explains our reason for joy and hope in life. And as any of us know, a father’s love is deeply personal and intimate. It doesn’t matter how many other children are stumbling around in the playground, a father has a special, devoted and faithful love for his own child above all others; because “this” is flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood.

To look into the face of your own child is to see your own.

And the relationship that God has with mankind, unraveled through the historic ages of this planet we live on is a personal relationship between father and child, bridegroom and bride.

Scripture tells us that all things in the cosmos were created for man, to help man realize the love of God for him, and for him to draw closer to the love of his creator.

It doesn’t matter how many planets or solar systems purport to support life, God is not obligated to populate the universe with similar beings just because he did so for one tiny blue planet. He made all things and as maker of all things, he is exempt from the limitations he imposes on all things. The natural laws of the universe cannot impose themselves upon the supernatural will of their creator, who sustains their very existence by his own love.

As such, there is no reason to believe that just because God chose to have this personal, intimate history with mankind, he must do so for every other planet that bears the same ideal conditions.

Love doesn’t work that way. In fact, real intimate love is always faithful and often exclusive in a special way.

Just because I fall in love with a certain kind of woman doesn’t mean I will fall in love with every other woman with the same character traits. I may feel similarly attracted to these features in another woman, but love demands more than just a set of chemical responses in the brain, it demands a personal choice and an conscious act of the will.

In other words, I may be naturally attracted to someone but I supernaturally choose to love someone; even though sometimes she may be less than attractive to me. There's a big difference between the two.

Does God himself act differently? Out of all the great nations of the world, he chose one tiny nation to make a covenant with, and he remained faithful to that covenant despite Israel’s countless adulteries with foreign Gods.

Out of all the pure, faithful and virtuous women in Israel at that time, he chose one young Nazarene virgin to be born of, and to be given the dignity of being his mother and the spouse of the Holy Spirit.

Out of the countless myriads of people milling around the Judean countryside, he called 12 men to himself to be the cornerstone of his Church, and out of those 12, he chose a weak stumbling and impetuous fisherman to lead them. And in your own lifetime, he has chosen you through the waters of baptism to be a sign of his special love among others.

Is there a science to that? As far as I know, the science of divine love will never pass the scrutiny of atheistic scientists because it was tested, applied and proven on the folly of Calvary.

The basis of evolution, or indeed any scientific discipline is wrapped around very precise formulas and theoretical presumptions, and the end result often lies along a very narrow strip of speculation based on statistical data. Hence even though natural science is really a great adventure of discovery, it’s also a very controlled experience governed by the natural laws of the universe; at least those that we know of anyway.

But God is above those laws. How often for instance have we seen medical science flounder in defeat when trying to explain supernatural interventions and healings in the lives of patients who cannot medically survive? How often can we not explain why one woman is fruitful in her womb while another remains sterile when no medical anomalies exist between them etc?

Love is a very different kind of adventure; it’s unpredictable, passionate and constantly filled with sweet surprises that endure in fidelity. And ultimately God is love - the best kind, and I sincerely wish you that kind of adventure.

So in short, do I think E.T. exists with all the other green men of the universe? At this point, my personal entry in the Captain’s Log, stardate 2007 says “I very much doubt it”.

But that’s just my opinion as a man of faith, not as a man of science.

Walking in the moonlight

How the seasons change. Today, we celebrate Pentecost; the birth of the Church and the gift of the Holy Spirit. Only a little while ago, we recall the joy of Easter. The church bells chimed with the rhythm of new life, announcing to the world that sin and death have been vanquished, darkness must give way to light. And yet for some, this Lenten season has passed without so much as a murmur of change. The leaves fall, the sun shines and the vicissitudes of life meander as usual as we go about our pleasures and our business.

For others, this holy season has brought us closer to the passion of Christ than we dared imagine. Far beyond our tepid abstinence on Fridays and our half-hearted prayers, it seems Lenten mortification has come calling with the violence of an unwelcome guest. Life can sometimes be a hard drink to swallow when the wine press of suffering distills the potency of faith.

I know of many who have endured pain, misunderstanding, loss, illness and death over this period – so much so that inevitable questions arise within their human hearts – Where is God? Is he real? Why me?

Indeed, what is the Christian response to suffering, especially when it afflicts the innocent and good with the bluntness of crude terror? What words escape us when Calvary shakes the ground we stand upon and swallows us in its bowels?

Instinctively, we look towards the cross of Christ. From our spiritual birth, we’ve been taught to find our answers and meaning in the crucified form of the Nazarene, who so loved us, he hung himself dry of life in order that we may live with hope - brave, certain, new abiding hope - supernatural hope. And so we pray.

And we pray.

And we pray.

And sometimes, the wait for an answer echoes in unbearable silence. For a generation used to quick solutions and immediate gratification, this can be a torturous journey that pushes our faith and hope to the limits.

Why does God take so long to come to our aid? 40 years of the Israelites wandering in the desert, 13 years of St. Monica weeping for the conversion of her son Augustine, and night after night of endless prayers offered up in desperation by countless souls in the crucible of Calvary. Sometimes, the sighs we offer up to the eternal one seem to take an eternity to be answered. In the meantime, we stay racked on a bed of pain where the sinews of our faith are stretched to the limits of human credence.

In short, the mystery of Christian suffering remains that – a mystery. And I don’t think there are any human answers for the divine will, at least none that will satisfy our vulgar thirst for justification.

It’s understandable that we want to hold God accountable for our faith in him. “We believed in you and we called on your name and you did not answer”. It’s what I call the “convenience store” spirituality. I made an agreement with you that you would be my God and I would be your customer. I rang the bell and there was no service. Not only that, I was kept waiting even though I’m obviously an important patron with an existing account - in this case, my willingness to profess my belief in you as my Lord and Savior as long as you hold up your end of the transaction in this barter of wills.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten up from my table at a restaurant and simply walked away because of the bad service, or turned my nose at a bargain because I was invisible to sales staff who were too busy picking lint off their lapels to notice my calls for help.

Nobody likes to be ignored because we expect a certain degree of attention and responsibility from people in our circle of life, whether personal, romantic or professional. And since we’ve invested our hopes and faith in this bank of trust, we expect reasonable returns or lo and behold, we’re withdrawing our faith and taking our business somewhere else.

But God is not our supplier and we are not his clients. Our Father in heaven wants nothing from us but only happiness for us. To persist in the immaturity of this “convenience store” relationship will only obstruct our faith and bury our prayers in the soil of self-conceit, and we shall never penetrate the essence of what it means to be loved and to love with all our hearts in spite of riding the roller coaster of life.

The covenant between God and man is not a business contract; it is a marriage feast of the lamb, a spousal union of life that invites us to give ourselves to another in generous service and love so as to till the soil of our own souls to receive the seed and flowering of the Holy Spirit in our relationships. But like the multitudes that followed Jesus through the Judean countryside, we sometimes mistake our lust for God’s bread with our love for him.

In a marriage, we do not marry for what our spouses can do for us but for who they are as persons in God. And if we are to be faithful in our supernatural marriage to the Lamb of God, we must open our eyes and our hearts to the greatest good that is our Lord himself, and not what he can do for us.

Still, we cannot ignore the very real suffering of losing a loved one, or the pain of debilitating disease or the empty hours of deep loneliness some of us go through. The Lord himself does not want us to deny these realities and difficulties.

But neither does he want us to lose hope or courage on the brow of Calvary, for standing beneath that cross in the storm of uncertainty, is to also stand before the power of redemption and life; to be bathed in the water and blood that gushes upon us in love and renewal so that strengthened and transformed like the Roman Centurion; St. Longinus, we may descend from that holy mountain to face the world anew with glory and strength.

As we recall the memory of the infant church gathered around the presence of her mother Mary, who prayed with and for them, I find it most interesting that Our Blessed Lord chose to give Mary to us as our own beloved Mother at the very precise point of his crucifixion; when the disciples were twisting in the fear and despair of their darkest hour, unable to see the light that was bursting forth from his pierced heart.

There were so many glorious episodes in the gospel when our Lord could’ve chosen to make this grand gift of his mother to the Church, but instead he waited for this one dramatic moment to entrust her to us and vice versa. Why?

Is it because when the night is darkest that we need the moon the most, so that we will not lose our way completely. Or maybe it’s because Our Lord knows that we need to draw strength from her maternal presence and love the same way he did, in all the dark Calvarys of our lives? Perhaps it’s when we feel most abandoned and orphaned that we need our mother’s love the most?

Surely it’s all of the above and more. I’ve included one of my favourite renderings of the Pieta scene with this entry. And to close, I’d like to also share this little anecdote from the life of St. Josemaria Escriva…where he shares an observation from his childhood:

“I remember how in my country, when harvest season came and they did not yet have these modern agricultural machines, they lifted the heavy bundles of wheat by hand and loaded them on the backs of mules or poor little donkeys. And come a certain time in the day, around noon, the wives, the daughters, the sisters would come – with scarves gracefully draped over their heads, so that their more delicate skin would not get sunburned – and bring them cool wine. That drink refreshed the tired men, encouraged them, strengthened them…That is how I see you, O Blessed Mother. When we struggle to serve God, you come to encourage us throughout this journey. Through your hands, all graces come to us.”

Hello again...

It's been forever since I last posted anything on this blog. But like any enduring project, it requires its own commitment and energies. Forgive me for slacking off. Between the demands of work, the exhaustion of engagements and the curve balls that life throws at us ever so often, I have not been able to be present at this site.

Well let us begin again.

I initially intended this blog to be less about me and more about my faith, but typing out little treatises about doctrine, apologetics and faith require more precise thoughts, phrasings and academic discipline than I'm available for. Yet despite my penchant for privacy, I realise also that my faith is best explained and shared with you, my friends, through my life and struggles and not just through my encyclopaedic knowledge...which is miniscule to start with.

So let's take a break from that and just chat shall we? It's about time I slowed down and just gave myself the joy of space and being.

If anything, I'd probably take short trips around asia just to ease off a little...but first chance I get, I'd like to head towards Spain, and more of Italy. The Italian countryside and the rennaissance of Florence still capture my imagination. And the eternal city of Rome resides in my heart like a mother looking out for her son's return with an embrace of good food, good cheer and tender love.

Even though there are many places that call to our wanderlust, every step towards a private moment with God is a vacation in beauty. And our souls need little vacations now and then.

There's a little rugged flatland near my apartment that I sometimes trudge to for fun. It's a little oasis of greenery and virgin tracks that taper towards a wide river which eventually leads to the open sea. And it always amazes me that hidden beneath the shadows of high-rise flats is a scenic buffet of untamed landscape, exotic birds and cute critters. And everytime I laced up my hiking boots for a visit, I feel like I'm taking a vacation with the Lord and entering this secret garden of thoughts and smiles.

I enjoy luxuries like anyone else, but it always surprises me how little we really need to lift up our hearts and joys. And it amazes me even more how much heaven is within our grasp when we school ourselves in the art of learning how to love truly in a beautiful relationship. Human love is a great mystery and a great gift of life. Unlike many today who give only to receive, we must remember to give in order that the other may receive our best sacrament of love...their joy and fulfillment as human beings are our reward and satisfaction, since Christian joy exults and multiplies in the happiness and growth of our beloved. In our calling to be saints, we must always give thanks for our struggles as sinners...and not be discouraged in our vocations to be sacraments of Christ to each other.

I pray that all who read this post will know this joy of living, loving and praying. And if you've been really busy and tired lately, take a little vacation...take a walk with Jesus...and let your heart smile and hope again. For as the disciples of Emmaus discovered, "did not our hearts burn within us when he was talking to us?"

Payback or pay forward?

If God is merciful, how can there be such a thing as temporal punishments? Why bother to forgive our sins if he wants to bear grudges and retain the punishments due to us in this life?

Unfortunately, the term “Temporal Punishment” invites misunderstanding. The word “punishment” is too negative a connotation for what the doctrine truly represents, which is nothing less than the love and wisdom of God in helping a soul towards perfection. A better word would be temporal “purification”, but for the purpose of this discussion, let’s keep to its original and more familiar terminology to avoid confusion.

Contrary to what some might believe, it is not the cruel retaliation of some fuming deity seeking payback. It is however the just restitution made in atonement to God for all the harm and pain caused by our sins, even those already forgiven. Let us remember that no sin is personal. All sin is social, even when committed in secret and alone, since it infects and weakens both society and the Church because of our interdependence on each other. Either for evil or for good, we have to resign ourselves to the reality that each one of us no matter how slight, has an influence on every individual we encounter.

The idea that our sins have consequences that run their course despite our sorrow and contrition over them is a hard notion to swallow in this day and age. We’re so used to having dirt on our clothes washed away without a trace by a simple dash of detergent, that we often forget that mistakes in life sometimes have effects that are a little more stubborn to remove.

If we violate a traffic law, we conveniently pay the fine and move on with our lives. If we mistype a letter, we can always press backspace and start over. And for children used to the pampering love of their parents, there’s always someone willing to close an eye and white-wash their faults with characteristic indulgence.

Today more than ever, this complacency becomes the norm when so much in society and technology work towards delivering us from the burden of undesirable consequences. In fact, there is a distinct trumpet call in the world that incites us to reap the benefits of pleasure without any obligatory hassle. Contraception is one such example.

Yet in practice, nothing could be further from the truth.

For instance, we can strike someone in anger and still be fortunate enough to enjoy the person’s forgiveness, but the impact and bruise of our action remains visible and painful to the victim who continues to feel the effects of the punch long after it’s been forgiven. Saying you’re sorry for cheating on your wife might convince her to pardon you, but the pain of that betrayal will forever scar the soul of your marriage even if it doesn’t tear the two of you apart. And the tears of a young mother crying over the loss of her unborn child through abortion cannot absolve the memory of what could have been, even when she goes on to have other children later in life.

In each of these scenarios, there is contrition, forgiveness and perhaps even reconciliation. But the effects of sin in each case stubbornly clings on to the fabric of our lives and extend far beyond our naive expectations.

Justice and logic demand that for every wrong, there must be restitution. For every offence, there should be atonement. It is what we demand for ourselves when we suffer some personal injustice. We instinctively seek a just resolution to our grievances because it is part of our nature to do so. That is why every nation and state is empowered with civil and secular courts to uphold the rights of individuals and society to justice.

Even in everyday circumstances, we see the sensibility of this logic. A person who steals something must in addition to apologizing for the theft, return the stolen article. A father who reneges on his promise to celebrate his son's birthday must find some way to make it up to the boy if trust is to be restored.

Because talk is cheap, repentance is more than just muttering mea culpas and striking our breasts in great drama before returning to the "ho hum" routine of life as usual.

So if we feel so strongly for ourselves and cry out to God for satisfaction against the injustices in our lives, knowing in our hearts that there is no judgment more fair, more just than the eternal wisdom of our Lord, why then do we deny that same right and prerogative to God Himself who is so deeply grieved and offended by the nature of sin?

God is Love. But true love is also just. It cannot be otherwise. Love seeks the good and welfare of the beloved. That means righting the wrongs, correcting the injustices, repairing the abuses suffered by the beloved.

Frankly if we truly love God and are sincere in our repentance, we will do more than just be content with offering a verbal apology. We will in fact do all we can to repair the damage done to our relationship with the Lord by seeking to love more earnestly.

After all, any decent father is bound by love to correct his children. As scripture says, "The Lord disciplines those whom he loves." Likewise any loving child longs to assure his parents of his sincerity through a greater outpouring of obedience and improvement. In other words, true love seeks to satisfy not just the victim’s need for justice but also the sinner’s need for righteous correction.

This does not in any way diminish God's tremendous sense of mercy and forgiveness. But we must remember that forgiveness is a two-way street. It is not an end in itself.

It is a call to walk more righteously in the path of true conversion and holiness. So even though a person is forgiven and reconciled to God through the sacrament of confession, he must in true repentance strive to make amends for his sins by repairing the harm done to others.

If this is not at all possible in a concrete way, he can still participate in the healing and redemptive mission of Christ by undertaking acts of penance, charity and service for the good of souls. Most of all, he can atone for his sins by patiently and humbly accepting whatever crosses and difficulties Divine Providence might send him.

But hang on; if God is love, if he is all merciful and forgiving, isn’t he supposed to overlook things like justice for himself?

Much of this confusion comes from thinking that Love and Justice are incompatible. Yet in reality, they’re inseparable. You cannot have one without the other. There is no love without justice nor is justice possible when love is absent. The drama of our human history clearly proclaims that.

Because God is Love, he must also be Just, even if that Justice is tempered by his Mercy - a balance that cannot be perfectly achieved by fallen man but nevertheless describes the divine nature and mystery of God.

The psalms alone are full of lamentations and cries for the mercy of God, asking the Lord to show pity on the psalmist and grant him justice in his grievances. If scripture ties mercy so inextricably to upholding justice, true love to righteousness, real contrition to atonement, isn’t it righteous and just that in the divine law, there should be equal fairness and justice due to the dignity of God? The saints and angels would demand it out of love for Our Lord and Creator, even if we should deny it.

So temporal punishments are really nothing more than the just sentences accorded to our grievous actions by divine justice. Every man, woman and child has a pair of scales that measure how we live our life. Our Lord Himself says in scripture that "vengeance is mine" Romans 12:19-21.

Now vengeance is quite another thing from revenge, although the world constantly mistakes one for the other. Vengeance has the fulfillment of justice in mind, no more no less. Revenge is just returning evil with evil, oftentimes inflicting more harm than received to prove a point. Even though vengeance might sound cruel to us, what it simply means is that God is just and there is truly a fair judgment for every soul, even if in this life there will always be imperfect justice. In fact, our civil courts are but a poor substitute for the divine justice that we long for and can only find in the courts of heaven.

For all our philosophizing, the human spirit yearns for a just world where every victim has his day in court, where every wrong and grievance is fairly addressed and satisfied....

And this I think is due to our innate instincts and desire for righteousness.

We ask God to forgive us our sins and he does, especially since no matter how grievous our sins are, his divine mercy is infinitely greater. But we also expect him to remove all consequences and sufferings that occur as a natural consequence of our sins. That is as mature as a child committing a crime and asking his parents to bury the evidence in addition to pardoning him. Can there truly be sincerity in an apology that is more concerned with escaping the consequences than repairing the offence?

Common sense will tell us that there is no virtue or righteousness in such an attitude. In fact, the graver our sins, the more we can expect to experience painful repercussions. Remember that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. We see that in the physical realm. The longer we place our hand in the fire, the graver the burns and sufferings of pain, and indeed, the longer the recovery. So in a way, the "consequences" are proportionate to our actions.

In a universe governed by the natural laws of medicine, physics, nature and common sense, the spiritual dimension is also held together by supernatural laws of order that proceed from the wisdom of God. Naturally, telling a lie is not quite the same thing as murder. And quite logically, the effects of adultery and abortion are more serious and harmful than uncharitable words.

Temporal punishments refer to the purification that a soul must go through in order to recover its health and atone for the sins committed. If properly embraced, they not only give strength to our souls and restore peace to our conscience; they also enable us to grow in Christian perfection in much the same way that an athlete pursues greatness through discipline.

We often forget that the soul is like the body in that it can be injured and wounded by spiritual falls and dangers...and in some cases, mortally. Sin does that. Because we're not always conscious of its dimensions as we are of our material body, we don't think of our soul in those terms. And depending on the injury it suffers, it can either take a long while or a short time for the soul to regain its health.

Haven't you noticed often that sin brings despair to our hearts and prevents us from praying sometimes, or at least forces us to pray badly? We feel further from God and hope than we are accustomed to. Still, like any good mother, the Church rushes to our aid by guiding us to the healing power of the sacraments, while at the same time suggesting reflections, readings, devotions, charity, prayer, penance and acts of mortification which all do violence to one thing - namely our pride and ego.

But not everyone will hasten to take advantage of these counsels and apply themselves diligently to these commendable practices and reflections. Which leaves many more who will happily confess their sins and then go about their lives as if nothing more is required of them.

It is true that they are forgiven if they are truly sorry for their sins. But they are also more likely to commit the same sins over and over again, and wonder at the end of the day why confession and the sacraments have not made them any different.

The reason? No penance, no true repentance, no sacrifice. It is no secret of the sages that men learn best through sacrifice and suffering. What knowledge that is gained through hardship is not easily forgotten, and it transforms a soul as the pruning knife cuts and moulds a young sapling.

Instead we are brought up in a culture that seeks greater short cuts and comfort in everything, including the quickest, surest way to heaven that does not require too much sacrifice. That is false theology, no matter how appealing it might sound to our appetites.

Jesus constantly warned His disciples against taking the wide and easy path. At the same time, all is grace. Our desire to atone for our sins is in itself a grace. I've always said that no one can save himself or raise himself to greater sanctity by pulling on the roots of his own hair. He needs the saving action of God and faith.

In the same way, no one works his way to heaven and sanctity by "doing" penances without first and foremost believing in God's mercy and love. It is his mercy that forgives, pardons and inspires us to discipline ourselves in order to help ourselves. He alone does the saving.

When we think of the penances given at the tribunal of confession (which are nothing more than just restitutions for our offences), we already see the immeasurable mercy of God and His Church when all we need to fulfill in atonement for our sins are often some short prayers, some brief reflections or a simple act of kindness etc.

Come to think of it, this is totally disproportionate to the grave insult and grief that a single sin can cause the heart of God. So even in this, Newton's law is already demolished when divine justice refuses to give us what we truly deserve, but only a trickle of what should be our real punishment. Is that not mercy?

Hell is a real place. And the punishments of the fallen angels bear before our minds always. They rejected God but once and definitively in their inspired intellect, we reject God a hundred times a day and are given mercy evermore because of our dull and clouded minds. Why? - Because he loves us. He doesn't just tolerate us; he labors to save us.

Now what about people who do not take upon themselves the atonement that is necessary for sanctification in this life? More often than not, the penances we receive in Confession are sufficient payment to fulfill the penalty for our sins. However, for those who fail to adequately avail themselves of such opportunities, they will have to confront the same reality in Purgatory. There is no escaping this need for purification if we hope to stand before the all holy presence of God one day. Which is partly why the saints constantly offer their sacrifices and pains for the salvation of sinners. Happily there is always someone, somewhere atoning for us, taking upon themselves after the example of Jesus, the sentence that is rightly meant for us.

After all, as Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said; if it is possible for doctors to transfuse blood from a healthy person to save a dying man, why is it not possible to transfuse suffering? And if surgeons can graft healthy skin from one part of the body to restore goodness in another, why is it not possible to graft sacrifice?

It is also true that God sends material and temporal sufferings to certain souls because they need it in order to pave the way for salvation and change. For those who won't willingly take upon themselves the vocation of purification, he does not abandon them even in this delicate but necessary task of discipline. Instead he sends them some tough love in this life so that they may not be left clueless in spiritual wisdom.

Some stubborn children who refuse to take their medication have to be forced to receive their bitter prescriptions if they are to have any chance of a proper recovery, or they will always be vulnerable to relapses of viruses. And God sometimes slips these bitter pills under the gourmet of life, especially for those who feast continually upon this world's delights.

Thus our crosses when borne courageously with faith and love can bear us to heaven. Without this chance to aid our own purification, who knows how long we'll be in purgatory, a state of existence which is also based upon this ancient teaching of atoning for our sins.

In the end, it is God's mercy and love, his utmost generosity and compassion, his understanding of our human weaknesses and poverty that teaches us the crucial importance of spiritual discipline and personal responsibility.

So that in being truly sorry for our sins, we may strive more joyfully towards Christian perfection...and by our witness...win redemption for a broken and wounded world.

The Vocation of a Knight

The Knights of Malta are an enigma to many people. On the one hand, some in society find their exclusive membership somewhat elitist and pompous. On the other hand, there is no denying the great comfort and consolation they bring to those suffering the ravages of war, disease and natural disasters through their medical and social relief efforts.

Like Opus Dei, the Charismatic movement or indeed the Catholic Church herself, the Order of Malta cannot be understood from the outside; it can only be experienced from the inside. To peer in through the critical lens of a spectator is to miss the character and true spirit of its nature and foundation, and to behold only the extravagant and somewhat archaic display of costumes, capes, medals and medieval courtesies; which can seem rather ostentatious. And yet, we need visible symbols of valour, fidelity and courage to remind us of the invisible virtues they represent.

After all, we are sacramental people living in the great sacrament of God’s love, and symbols express our Christian faith with the high pageantry of inspired hearts and wills. But for those of us who are pilgrims in the Order of Malta, how should we live the challenges of this vocation? – (For indeed, it is a vocation and not a social membership.)

There are as many egocentric dangers of belonging to an association draped in historical nobility and prestige, as there are temptations to self-importance. And the novice knight is vulnerable to such mortal wounds unless he guards his soul with the chainmail of faith and humility.

I hope my brethren in the Order will indulge me these few points of reflection.

The Maltese cross so proudly worn by every knight and dame of the Order should point us to something bigger than ourselves and indeed, to someone other than ourselves. This splendid eight-pointed cross of chivalry means something only if it leads those who wear it to prostrate themselves before the rugged cross of Calvary.

This is because the true nobility of a Christian knight lies not in the ancient lineage of the Order nor on the promises of their station, but rather on the promises and grace of their baptism, which makes them children of God and co-heirs of Jesus Christ.

As Catholic Christians, the divine blood that runs through our veins at every Holy Communion should awaken us to our real dignity as sons and daughters of God. As members and associates of the Order, this same eucharistic blood further obliges us to place ourselves at the service of suffering humanity; in imitation of Christ.

In every kingdom there are lords and servants, and knights by their very station exist to serve, so that through their service they bring glory and honour to their king, and ennoble their own souls through the practice of heroic virtues.

A Christian knight has every obligation to be a saint, since he has every obligation to reflect the greatness, mercy and goodness of Christ the king, in whose service he has vowed himself. As secular knights carry the standard of their Lords and Mistresses upon their breastplates, a Christian Knight of Malta must carry the standard of Jesus and Mary upon his soul. And if that lofty standard is the cross, then he must indeed be willing to embrace his holy vocation as a soldier of Christ, bonded to his liege and master as a royal victim, priest and servant, for unlike the flags and banners of secular pride, the glory of Christ is written on the hearts of men.

As such, every emblem of office for the knight must remind him of his divine duty before God; that he is a man set apart - not for honour and glory – but for humble and sacrificial service to God and neighbour; particularly to the poor and the sick. Failure to recognize this grave obligation to sanctity and love will only reduce a Christian knight to the hollow tinsel of his medals and ribbons. And like so many things that sparkle and glisten in this world, the vanity of such an obsession will be tragic.

All of us need symbols and ideals larger than ourselves to help us live the Christian life. We need the collective drive, courage and wisdom of other heroic souls in a blessed camaraderie of faith and love, to support and strengthen us on our common pilgrimage and journey to paradise. But we also need to ensure that the glorious symbols of such a consecrated gathering do not blind us with pride and hinder our salvation, but rather remind us of our real dignity as children of God, and lead us to place ourselves at the service of our brothers and sisters.

This is our true noble calling; to be a poor knight for Christ, so that our hearts may be rich with love for his people. In this, we do well to recall the example of Francesco Bernadone – the frivolous young man of Assisi who lusted with all his heart for the worldly nobility of knighthood, who clad himself in the finest armour and rode forth on an empty crusade for fame and honour, only to be stripped of his delusions by the love of God.

Suffering greatly the pains of his vanity, he finally found himself naked of all illusions and reduced to an empty husk of existence. With no knighthood and no nobility to boast about, he could only throw himself before divine mercy and in doing so, he took the first steps of wisdom to becoming a true knight of Christ. In exchanging his rich armour for the tattered tunic of a beggar and in surrendering his quest for glory to his hunger for Christ, this young man began the transformation that would eventually immortalize him as the shining paradigm of a true Christian knight.

For a cup to be filled, it must first be emptied. St. Francis of Assisi pray for us, teach us what it means to be a real knight. May the good Lord save us from the vanity of this life.

Are you disappointed?

Every now and then I wrestle with the disappointment of living the Christian life; not that the Christian life isn’t worth living. Rather, I sometimes expect in some kind of childish way that the waters of baptism would make life easier and more pleasing. And of course it doesn’t.

Christians don’t necessarily enjoy an easier life than pagans. Being saved and redeemed by our Lord doesn’t make the battle against sin any less urgent. We still fall sick, we still suffer injustice and pain, we still labour against the concupiscence of our flesh, and ever so often, we still fall prey to the dark vestiges of despair.

Calvary beckons every Christian soul to climb it in the example of his valiant captain, and to crown his ascent with the sacrificial worship of faith, hope and love.

The health and wealth gospel so richly preached from the pulpits of some evangelical circles is not the gospel of Christ. It may sound more popular than the gospel of Jesus, but it is not the message of Jesus. Instead, Christ our Lord promised that the cross is ever before us, the poor will always be with us, injustices will exist, and if we’re fortunate enough, some of us may even be crowned with martyrdom.

It all sounds a little morbid, doesn’t it? No wonder some people prefer to shop around for a more lenient gospel. But like the political zealots of Israel who hoped that Jesus would usher in an earthly reign of peace, prosperity and freedom from the Romans, we too sometimes look to our messiah only as the deliverer of our earthly chains, forgetting that the Kingdom of God is not of this world.

In reality, Jesus never promised us a naturally happy life. Rather, he promised us a supernaturally happy life; one that can be experienced even now. The gospel ‘Beatitudes’ show us the joy to be found in witnessing to Christ amidst the sufferings of this life. “The peace that I give, the world cannot give.” We hear this read so often from the gospels and yet we hanker after the peace of this world. Why? Is it because we find it more deeply fulfilling or merely because our hearts cannot aspire to anything beyond our immediate gratification?

Have we grown up only to become people of the moment with no regard to eternity, unable to look beyond the veil of our passions and appetites? I hope not. But even if that were so, there’s nothing to stop us from refocusing our spiritual eyes. Our joys in this world are always dependent on things going right, or to put it more honestly; things going our way. But the joys of a Christian faith does not hinge on any thing, property, human person or circumstance, so that in spite of trials, difficulties and failures, the Christian soul can still enjoy a peace and happiness that is above the conditions of this life. This is because Christian joy is founded on Jesus Himself. He is the reward and source of our happiness and peace. And as St. Augustine discovered, "our hearts were made for thee O'Lord, and we shall not rest until we rest in thee."

In life there will always be disappointments, especially when we have ideals. That’s not to suggest that ideals are bad. Not at all! In fact, ideals are the fuel that drives our passions; they are the musical notes that carry our words of commitment, fidelity and courage and give them form and beauty. However, we must be careful not to be driven to despair and bitterness when those same ideals are not realized despite our best prayers and efforts. You’ve heard of the phrase, “Man proposes, God disposes”?

Well, an English Dominican Provincial once gave a homily to newly professed novices in which he said; whatever schemes we hatch, whatever plans we formulate along the way, whatever monuments we hope to raise, we can be sure of one thing – God will frustrate them.

Perhaps you share this frustration and you’re upset that no matter how hard you try, how boldly you plan and aspire, you never seem to get a providential break. Are we doomed to fail because God sets Himself up as our adversary to happiness?

Instead, Fr. Timothy Radcliff O.P. sees it this way. God sometimes demolishes our plans and extinguishes our hopes because no matter how grand they might seem to us, He wants to liberate us from the smallness of our dreams. He wants us to reach more extravagantly in life, and to share more ambitiously in His hopes for us. Our dreams and plans (despite appearing ideal for ourselves) actually imprison us in mediocrity, since they grow from the soil of our own self-interest and imaginations. And as John Paul the Great often told young people everywhere, “Do not be content with mediocrity”.

God is not against us, He is completely for us, which is why he sometimes challenges us to look beyond the trivial pursuits of our hearts. Real happiness is not bought at the cost of replacing truth with fantasies, and God wants us to be truly happy, even at the risk of disappointing us.

We’re familiar with the feast of the Epiphany; the story of how God revealed Himself to the nations through the visit of the Magi from the East. We picture in our minds the moment of discovery for these wise men. We see them presenting their gifts amidst the Christmas glow of beautiful paintings and pious nativity plays. But how much do we really know of their struggles?

Did they expect to find what they found after months, or even years of difficult travel and seeking? How much time, energy and money did they invest in this quest for the King of the Jews? What sacrifices did they endure as they left their homes and families to seek this treasure? What greatness did they imagine they would find? And finally after the weariness of such a long journey across harsh and dangerous lands, their hopes kept alive only by the light of a single star, they discover their treasure wrapped in swaddling cloths in a poor shelter, surrounded by the poverty and filth of the animals, and cared for by two very ordinary looking parents in the company of dirty shepherds.

Was this a cruel joke? Is this what they had sacrificed everything for? Were they misled by false hope? Where was the majesty they had expected? Where was the splendour of this new king? Is this truly the audience they had been waiting for? Disappointed, sad and disillusioned, how much doubt must’ve filled their hearts. Should they turn their backs on this pathetic picture, or should they believe beyond the picture?

Uncertain – they must’ve prayed, discussed and pondered. But in the end, they knelt and worshipped Him, laying their gifts and their lives before His tiny feet. And with that act of faith, they broke free from the shackles and limitations of their human plans, and received instead the royal freedom of the Sons of God and a vision for happiness that enriched their lives beyond all telling.

My friends, we too shall face many disappointments in life. The question that awaits us however is the same: will we offer our human plans to his divine love and commit ourselves to trust Him still? Or will we turn our backs and walk away?

The next time we find ourselves at this crossroad, I pray we may have the wisdom of the Magi, for as always, some truths can only be learned on our knees.